Peeing in the Bushes

Often our lives are spent "peeing in the bushes"

When I was about I dunno 18 or 19 I met a nice looking guy with a not so nice attitude. One day we decided to go out. He picked me up from my (moms) house he didn't even bother to get out of the car, that should've been a red flag standing up from his head but I didn't see it. Our first stop of the night was the liquor store....yes a liquor store. I didn't know any better, so I sipped on some sweet concoction he had made up from some cheap 99 cent everfresh juice and some type of alcohol, it's a shame that I had no idea what the hell I was drinking. We then went downtown, and drove around and talked. Well he really just talked at me like I was retarded (ok so I was). He was much older, I can't remember how much older he was.

We went to Belle Isle (An island that sits right off of downtown Detroit, it's nothing fancy trust me, it's like a ghetto floating in a river, it used to be nice but you know how that story goes) and drove around in circles, him talking down to me and me just wanting to go home but trying to play big girl when I was nowhere near it. He would ask me stupid sexually questions that I couldn't answer because I wasn't having sex. And I just laughed and brushed it off and prayed that he get bored of me and then take me home. After about 2 cups of the alcohol stuff, I had to pee, and I had to pee bad! I asked him could he take me to a gas station and he told me that it would be too much traffic and that I should just pee in the bushes. Let me mind you that this is a public park, there's tons of people driving by the location that we had parked at and there are people walking around. And this fucker wanted me to get out of his car and go squat in the bushes like I was some wild animal. It was getting to the point of leg shaking (you know the leg shake of have to pee really damn bad). So I grabbed some tissue and walked into the bushes pulled down my pants and peed....he thought I was faking it so it turned on his car lights to see if I was peeing...how fucking embarassing? I wanted to cry, but I didn't, well not yet anyway. After I got back in the car I was as mute as a well mute person. 10 mins later he decided he wanted to leave. He kept talking about sex and asking me questions about how my body looked and then it came, the tears one by one came trailing down my face like little soldiers on a mission to jump off of my chin. He then became this sentimental creature who pulled over and became concerned as to why I was crying. He hugged me and then tried to feel on my boob. WTF? I shifted my weight to the the door and hen drove off the island and took me home. I never heard from him after that.

I wish I would have met him now, now that I'm nearing 25 and I'm a whole lot more brave then I was then. I would have never from the get go subjected myself to being nothing more that ass and titties, but I didn't know any better. I was still in the phases of trying to be liked, to fit in, to be pretty, to have men want me. I'm not saying that I haven't had my share of making myself look like a fool when it comes to men, and most women have, but not all of us grow out of "peeing in the bushes" we accept we make excuses and we keep going with a man that is the equivolent of roadkill, because we fear we won't get anything better, we boast of their good qualities, trying to make them out weigh the bad. We blind ourselves for a love that doesn't exist. I could talk about loving our selves and all that other shit. But theres just one thing I want to say. If a guy ever tells me to pee in the bushes, I'm going to hop in his lap, look him dead in the eyes lick my lips, wink at him, and proceed to pee right in his lap. I'm not 18 anymore and I'm not afraid. ;-)

City of Self

Let me start by saying I can't spell, no matter how man times I proof reade this blog it will cotain a million words in need of a spell check, but hey I'm not perfect and I'm not trying to be.


I moved to Chicago a lilttle over a year ago from Detroit (please I know you're thinking bad thoughts but can you save it, if you've never been there and you let the news dictate how you feel about my city...well...you can kiss my ass) ok so back to the matter at hand. I came to Chicago to finish college (expensive ass Columbia) and although I had no friends or family here I figured I'd eventually meet some people and all would be well. That wasn't the case. I've met 2 people and I've been here for yes...a little over a year. So I've come to the conclusion that I must be some spooky, creepy, awful smelling, weirdly shaped humanoid of a person because people treat me as a walking plague. I smile at people when I walk buy them, I start up friendly converstations in stores etc... but I guess that's just too weird for people. I'm not afraid to look awkward (boy remembering those teenage years brings tears to my eyes) so meeting people shouldn't be hard for me. Hell I'd start up a convo in the damn restroom for crying out loud and yes that may be a little weird but you never know how much you have in common with someone until you say "Hello" "Howdy" "Hi" "Hola" "Waz up" etc... but people here seemed to be more concerned with themselves. I guess that's not a bad thing but when you're in such a hurry, or when you feel that you're to good to speak to your fellow neighbor that just doesn't seem right to me, but then again there is that humanoid thingy factor when it comes to me.

I've also had no luck with men either. Ok so I met somebody off of myspace, sue me! He was great, weird like me. Our converstations were just the way I like them "beyond out of the ordinary" We hit it off....until well I'll save that for later.

All I'm saying (sorry for ranting, I'm full of blog) is what's wrong with saying hi, starting a conversation, slowing down a bit in our hectic lives to just say hey, or to have a little friendly conversation. After all life is way to short to move so fast, we live fast and then want death to come to us slow. If you see some weird bird like person, it's probably me, don't be afraid to say hi, I don't bite non less you're holding a cookie or something ;-)

It Starts

I left Myspace because well I just couldn't stand the fact that nothing but 19 yr olds seemed to be interested in my existence. I've also had some bad luck with myspace, and maybe one day I will tell you that story. I found that I didn't really miss much about myspace except that I got to blog, and baby did I blog my ass off. So now I'm back.